Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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