I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
