i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
