so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
