I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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