To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
