I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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