the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
