Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
