what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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