u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
