So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
