my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize