I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
