does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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