I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
