I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
