So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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