She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
