you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize