sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
