I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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