I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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