Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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