worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize