Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize