I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
