Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
