I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
