I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
