Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
