He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
