Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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