At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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