genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's just like the Real World with babies
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
