no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
