but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You pole danced in your parka.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
