TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
