I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
