Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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