Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
