just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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