I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize