If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize