It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
