Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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