Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
