u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
