just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
