and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So much rum. So many feels.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
