I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
