I got chris browned last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
where am i from again
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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