I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize