im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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