if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
