That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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