So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
