Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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