He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
