Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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