My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize