If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
