The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
