oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
