Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We need to rekindle our bromance
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
