y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
