Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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