why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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