Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
