No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
