I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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