I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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