Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
