he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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