3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize