Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
