Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just cropdusted the office
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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